Why Do I Feel Glad at Others' Misfortune?

For example, when a coworker who is capable but acts superior, and is hard to dislike because of their skill, makes a mistake and suffers a setback, the pleasure felt at that moment can be defined as schadenfreude.

Schadenfreude does not arise at just any time; it requires several conditions. First, the misfortune must not be too severe. It should be something like a minor mistake at work or a strained relationship; if a major accident or health problem occurs, what arises is worry and concern rather than schadenfreude. Second, there must be a sense of deservingness.

It is grounded in perceptions such as 'they were showing off somehow' or 'it's a misfortune they brought on themselves.' This feeling is also similar to the sense that order has been restored when people bystanders see someone who was acting superior fall down.

Feeling a sense that order has been restored through the misfortune of someone who was acting superior is the condition under which schadenfreude arises. This content is covered in the book 'The Vocabulary of the Mind,' published by Page2books, written by Jo A-ran and Lee Jung-yoon.

One of the emotions covered in this book is FOMO, short for 'Fear of Missing Out,' meaning anxiety about missing something good that others are enjoying. It is a feeling often seen during stock market frenzies or the education fever among children around us.

When you act because of FOMO, the chance of failure is high. Feeling FOMO means that many people are already doing the same thing, which suggests the field is likely to be bubbling with hype. So when you feel FOMO, it is wise to pay close attention first.

FOMO also has a positive side, in that it helps you grasp the flow of the world and understand what people are excited about. However, if FOMO becomes excessive, there is a risk that you will live being tossed around from one thing to another. The book proposes feeling 'JOMO,' or 'Joy of Missing Out,' instead of FOMO. This means that there can be good things about not doing something.

The book also covers various other emotions beyond these.

Hatred is a feeling of actively disliking someone, so you would not go to a celebration held by someone you despise. Envy, on the other hand, is closer to longing, so you can dislike someone yet still go to their celebration, laugh, clap, and even embrace them. On the surface, it is hard to tell whether envy is present.

Hatred is clear to us, and we even feel confident in that emotion. Envy, however, is not clear within us. For example, when someone asks, 'You don't like them, do you?', we often deny it, saying 'Why would I dislike them?', yet inwardly we fail to accept the other person's good qualities.

Envy is a vague feeling, such as 'they're a bit showy' or 'they seem to be doing well these days,' and it is not clearly recognized by oneself. When a misunderstanding about the object of hatred is cleared up, the feeling may be resolved, but envy does not work that way. On the contrary, learning that the other person did well even in a difficult situation can make the envy grow stronger.

This feeling can be explained by the French word ressentiment. Ressentiment refers to the inferiority and envy that arise in the face of someone we feel we cannot defeat. Another important term covered in this book is 'sijeol-inyeon.' Sijeol-inyeon means that for relationships or work to come together, the right time and conditions must align.

Sijeol-inyeon means that many things happen when the right timing and conditions coincidentally come together. In one counseling case, there were two friends who had been close since high school. One got married early and raised children, while the other went abroad to study. Living different lives, they naturally drifted apart.

As the two friends grew apart, they each misunderstood the other. The friend who studied abroad felt the married friend was putting her aside, while the married friend was hurt that the friend abroad never reached out. But after 12 to 13 years, one friend's children had grown up, and the other had returned to Korea, and they met again. Though they had not seen each other in a long time, they talked as easily as if nothing had ever happened.

The two friends met again, shared their stories, and felt, 'Ah, this is my friend.' They were able to comfortably accept that the time they were apart was simply a period when 'the timing of sijeol-inyeon didn't align, so we drifted for a while.' In this way, the concept of sijeol-inyeon helps us understand a break in a relationship not merely as a personal misunderstanding or fault, but as the result of timing and conditions not lining up.

The concept of sijeol-inyeon can be applied not only to relationships but also to many areas of life, such as careers and money. If there is something we have worked hard for but that never came to be, we can reflect on whether it was not simply because of our own shortcomings, but because the right sijeol-inyeon had not come together. With this perspective, it becomes easier to digest and accept failure.

Sijeol-inyeon also helps us keep a humble attitude toward our own successes. Success is not simply the result of being smart and doing well; many people worked just as hard and had similar ideas, and we may come to feel that we succeeded because we met the right sijeol-inyeon. It can be called a powerful concept that brings comfort in failure and humility in success.

In this way, 'The Vocabulary of the Mind' introduces and explains terms such as schadenfreude, FOMO, ressentiment, and sijeol-inyeon, which express our various psychological states and emotions. Reading this book, co-written by Jo A-ran and Lee Jung-yoon, offers much to think about and the pleasure of learning terms you did not know before.