Mother-in-Law and Son-in-Law Conflict: Why the Surge?

Choi Wook mentioned that divorce cases indeed frequently occur after holidays like Chuseok.

Family conflicts during holidays often ruin the household atmosphere, and accusations and quarrels such as 'You ruined our family' become commonplace, leading to divorce.

Lawyer Lee In-cheol cited adopting wives' opinions as a husband's survival strategy, stating it helps alleviate marital conflict.

Panelists jokingly criticized the statement that 'men find it easier to listen to their wives' as conservative.

Psychologist Park Sang-mi stated that these days, parents are actively encouraging divorce for their children's happiness.

In the past, conflict between in-laws and daughters-in-law was dominant, but with increased intervention from mothers-in-law, such as childcare support, mother-in-law/son-in-law conflicts have become far more common, ranking third in concerns, completely reversing the trend.

Psychologist Park Sang-mi analyzed that mothers-in-law often wish for their son-in-law to have higher education or rank than their daughter. Even in marriages between university alumni or within the same company where partners are of equal status, they tend to perceive the daughter as being at a disadvantage.

The increasing number of cases where mothers-in-law directly intervene in their daughter's marriage to urge divorce, influenced by American culture, can be understood in this context.

Lawyer Cho In-seop revealed that in actual consultations, there are cases where spouses do not wish to divorce, but the wife's parents urge them to.

This is attributed to the parents' psychological 'failure to cut the umbilical cord,' an immaturity even after their child becomes an adult. The core of the problem is identified as reporting marital disputes immediately to the wife's parents and requesting their intervention.

Lawyer Cho In-seop reported that unlike in the past when in-laws shielded their son's wrongdoing, recently, in consultation cases, the wife's parents sometimes defend their daughter's infidelity, saying, 'She had reason to cheat.'

As mothers-in-law increasingly scold and nag their sons-in-law without hesitation, the nature of conflict between sons-in-law and mothers-in-law is also changing.

As dual-income couples increase, reliance on the wife's parents for childcare support is becoming normalized.

Lawyer Cho In-seop explained that with the wife's family living in close proximity, a 'matriarchal society' emerges where the husband feels alienated within the home.

The mother-in-law, who takes primary responsibility for childcare, is also identified as a factor that amplifies marital conflict by interfering in the couple's relationship.

Psychologist Park Sang-mi emphasized that unlike wives, men feel an irreparable level of anger when their pride is hurt.

A single word that undermines their pride can be a greater cause for divorce than not being served breakfast. Men tend to cut off relationships immediately if they feel disrespected.

Even in head families, there are cases of significantly reducing ancestral rites or replacing them with Catholic Mass, indicating that the relationship among the living is becoming more important than rituals for the deceased, which are often at the core of family conflicts.

Wedding preparations, including the meeting of the families, are decided by the couple themselves without parental intervention. Even when mothers-in-law attempt to communicate through their sons, the sons often block it beforehand.

Conversely, couples who married equally through their own efforts tend to handle divorce cleanly without parental intervention.

The phenomenon of parents accompanying children during divorce counseling is ultimately analyzed to stem from the children's dependence on parental financial support.

In court proceedings, there are cases where parents directly accompany their children to express opinions on asset disposal.

Lawyer Lee In-cheol advised that to prevent claims for elective share, property should be donated to society while one is healthy.

If death occurs within one year of donation, it can become subject to an elective share claim, as children's right to an elective share is legally protected. Therefore, when donating property to protect elective share, timing and health status must be considered.

Psychologist Park Sang-mi emphasized that selfish people find it difficult to avoid conflict in marriage.

During marital disputes, derogatory remarks about the partner's pride or family are absolutely forbidden, and family relationships, like diplomacy, require mutual respect and consideration.

Marriage is a relationship that includes not only the partner but also their family, so abandoning selfishness and offering unconditional consideration is necessary.

She explained that accurately understanding and not touching the partner's wounds and sensitive points is key to a happy married life.

Couples who share a good sense of humor and laugh frequently tend to have fewer arguments.

In psychotherapy, laughter therapy, along with crying therapy, plays a crucial role.

Happy couples, before marriage, thoroughly determine rules, including what not to do to each other, through all simulations, said psychologist Park Sang-mi.

They even write down detailed matters, such as relationships with both sets of parents, like a contract, and maintaining distance from parents, if possible, can help sustain the relationship.

Lawyer Lee In-cheol advised that if one is worried about divorce, writing a prenuptial agreement can help alleviate anxiety.

He mentioned former US President Trump as an example of someone who drafted a prenuptial agreement, emphasizing the importance of checking a partner's habits through cohabitation or long-term travel before marriage.

He stressed that dating and married life are fundamentally different, and various efforts are needed for a prudent choice before marriage.